


Snowflakes and Sunflowers

by lunnatix_x



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - High School, Angel Oikawa Tooru, Angel Wings, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Character Death, Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Goodbyes, How Do I Tag, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Metaphors, Moving On, Oikawa’s there, Past Character Death, Sad, Sad Iwaizumi Hajime, Soft Iwaizumi, angel!oikawa, it’s fine, it’s okay tho, lonely iwaizumi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:53:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22348270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunnatix_x/pseuds/lunnatix_x
Summary: Canon AU. - Tooru Oikawa hasn’t been to school for three days now. Hajime Iwaizumi has an empty feeling lingering in his heart, but he doesn’t know why. As he continues on with life, he realises what it is. Sadness and heartbreak.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 19
Kudos: 62





	Snowflakes and Sunflowers

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago and started continuing to write it now at 12am, so I’m sorry if there are spelling mistakes. I did manage to edit it a bit, though.
> 
> This is my first Haikyuu work and I hope you like it :)
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> \- Major character death  
> \- Swearing  
> \- Mild violence

I stared at the empty desk beside me. It bugged me for a while but I finally realised why class had been so quiet: Shittykawa was absent. I scoffed and turned my attention back to the front where the teacher was talking. Blah blah, math terms, blah blah, more boring stuff. I never paid attention in class that much, but it seemed much harder to pay attention today for some reason.   
  
Fuck. Was him being absent that bothering to me? He'd been absent before, and I was fine. Goddammit.    
  
I turned to the window to my left and looked outside. As usual, there was nothing much to see. Just some grass, roads, and more grass. But something grabbed my attention on the road in front of the school gates. It was a man and he was holding... sunflowers? I raised a questioning brow and focussed on the man. I let out a small gasp.   
  
Oikawa?   
  
I shook my head and blinked, but when I looked back, he was gone. I groaned and raised my hand, immediately asking the teacher if I could go to the bathroom. After I was granted permission, I trudged out into the hallway and rubbed my temples. Was him being absent really  _ that _ bothering to me? To the point where I was imagining him in front of the school?   
  
I really was delirious.   
  
*   
  
The next day he wasn't there again. Why? Usually he would text me if he wasn't going to come to school for two consecutive days in a row. I scoffed and shrugged it off. Whatever. He's probably just sick and needed to take a few days off school. That's all it is. I should stop overreacting.    
  
If something happened, you'd be the first to know. I kept telling myself that, over and over again. But something still didn't feel right. I just couldn't figure out what that  _ something _ was.    
  
“Oi, Iwaizumi.”   
  
I turned my head to the side to see Matsukawa standing beside me. “We’re heading over to practice now, we’ll see you there right? Don’t push yourself too much.”   
  
I nodded.  _ Why does he seem so sad? _ “Yeah, I’ll be there, don’t worry.”   
  
“Alright.”   
  
I wasn’t there. Instead, I decided to go for a walk around the park next to the school, to clear my head off. But something was still bothering me. I massaged the bridge of my nose before shoving my hands into my pockets. It was a cold winter day, and I forgot my jacket at home.    
  
I walked over to the set of swings and took a seat on one of them. I kept my feet on the floor, pushing off every now and then in a swaying motion. I closed my eyes, letting out a sigh.   
  
“Don’t sound so tired, Iwa-chan.”    
  
I looked on the swing beside me to see Oikawa swinging happily. “If you keep looking so stressed, you’ll grow wrinkles and that’ll make you look like an old man!”   
  
I grumbled. “Whatever, let me be grumpy when I wanna. When did you get here, anyway?”   
  
“Tsk, tsk.” He clicked his tongue in a teasing disapproving manner. “Keep your head out of the clouds, you might get lost in them someday, you old man.”   
  
“Maybe I’m already lost in them.”   
  
“Guess we’ll never know.”   
  
I opened my mouth to speak but shut it as soon as I felt something cold on my nose. I looked up to see that it was snowing.  _ Damn February _ . I thought.    
  
We just sat in silence for a couple more moments, watching as the snow slowly engulfed the ground, turning everything into a winter wonderland. I watched Oikawa shuffle beside me before standing up abruptly, smiling at me. “Well, you should go home, Iwa-chan. You know what they say, the last blizzard of winter is always the worst.”   
  
I looked up at him. “What about you?”   
  
“I’ll go soon, don’t worry, I just want to check on something before I head back.”  _ Go where? _ _  
_   
“Alright, take care of yourself, okay?” I asked, standing up as well. Why did I ask that? I’d never say that. In fact, why am I being so nice to him in general? Shittykawa.   
  
“I should say the same to you.” He smiled at me. “You have bags under your red eyes, you’ve been crying too much. You should move on, Iwa-chan.”  _ Move on? _ _  
_   
“I haven’t been crying.” I stated bluntly. “I never cry.”   
  
“Keep telling yourself that.”   
  
“Whatever, Crappykawa. I’m leaving now. See you at school tomorrow?” I asked, starting to walk away.   
  
“Maybe.”   
  
I frowned at his vague response and turned back to look at him, but he was gone, walking off to wherever he was headed off to this time. I went to let out a sigh as I looked at the ground, startling myself. 

He had no footprints.   
  
*   
  
“Hey, Iwaizumi, why weren’t you at practice yesterday?” Hanamaki asked, walking up to my desk.  _ Day 3 of Oikawa being absent.  _ _  
_   
“Sorry,” I muttered, looking away from him. “I didn’t feel like it, so I went on a small walk instead.”   
  
“A walk, huh?” He asked, seeming interested but I knew he just lied to keep the conversation going. “Did you find anything interesting while you were out?”   
  
“No,” I lied, “not really. The snow stopped me from doing anything more.”   
  
I looked out of the window at the snow building up on the windowsill. It had to be about 3cm thick now, it would probably reach more as the blizzard continued.   
  
“I see. Well,” Hanamaki put a hand on my shoulder, “if you need to talk, we’re always here, okay? I’m headed over to practice now, see you later?”   
  
I nodded. “See you later.”   
  
I watched him walk away. Once he was gone and I was the only one in the classroom again, I let out a long awaited sigh and packed all of my things into my bag.   
  
I walked out of the building and into the snow, pulling the hood of my jacket over my head to keep the snow out of my eyes. The blizzard seemed to be getting worse as I continued to walk back to my house, keeping my head looking down on the road, watching my feet form footsteps along the ground. Soon they would be covered up with another layer of snow, and there would be no trace that I’d ever been there in the first place.   
  
I closed my eyes and allowed myself to take in the moment.   
  
“Hey, Iwa-chan.”   
  
I looked over beside me to see Oikawa. “What do you want, Trashykawa?”   
  
“Mean!” He exclaimed, jumping ahead. “Why can’t you ever come up with more flattering nicknames for me Iwa-chan?”   
  
I snorted. “Says the guy who calls me  _ Iwa-chan _ .”   
  
“Hmph, whatever.” He huffed, pouting at me. “Call me whatever you want, see if I care.”   
  
“Sure, sure, Bakakawa.”   
  
“That’s the worst one yet!” He exclaimed, stopping in front of me and pointing at me. “Who are you to call me Baka! Are you two years old or something?”   
  
“Hm, maybe.” I shrugged, continuing to walk and seeing him run after me in my peripheral vision. “I wouldn’t be surprised if a two year old was smarter than you, to be honest.”   
  
“Shut it!” He frowned. “I don’t get why you say I’m dumb so much, you’re not the one in the advanced classes now, are you?”   
  
I rolled my eyes. “You might be in the advanced classes but you sure don’t seem like it.”   
  
“Rude, Iwa-chan!”   
  
“Mmhm.” I hummed.   
  
I stopped walking and looked up to my left, surprised to see my house. The walk was usually half an hour, sometimes more, so I couldn’t imagine that I’d arrive so quickly. “Well,” I muttered. “I’m here now so you can go ahead to your house.”   
  
I looked beside me to see that Oikawa was gone.   
  
I frowned and walked into the house. “I’m home!” I yelled, taking my shoes off. My mum walked out into the main living room from the kitchen.   
  
“Oh, good morning Hajime.” She smiled, taking off her oven mitts. “How was school?”   
  
“School was fine,” I muttered.   
  
“You didn’t have... any trouble adjusting?” She asked. “I know it’s been a while but I know you two were very close and-”   
  
I turned to her and smiled. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”   
  
She nodded. “Dinner will be ready soon, are you going to eat with us or shall I leave it at your door again?”   
  
“If you could leave it at my door that’d be nice,” I said, trying to be polite. “Thank you.”   
  
“Alright.”   
  
I walked up the stairs to my bedroom, walking in and trying not to slam the door behind me. I dropped my bags on the floor and instantly fell on my knees, clutching my head tightly. The lingering feeling was still there, and I still couldn’t figure out what it was. Pain? Cramps? No, it wasn’t that. Anger? Fear?    
  
Sadness.   
  
It was sadness. And heartbreak.   
  
But why?   
  
I looked up at my wall, at all of the newspaper articles that I had stuck up hastily, as a reminder to everything that happened. As a reminder to all the pain and the reason why I felt that feeling for as long as I did.    
  
**‘Volleyball star, Oikawa Tooru, dies at age 18 in a hit and run, schools in Miyagi mourn his death as...’** **  
**   
I felt myself choke. Why? Why am I crying? He isn’t dead. I saw him just then, I saw him at the park. He’s still alive. He’s still calling me that ridiculous nickname. He’s still laughing at his own stupid jokes. I still see him everyday, I still that goofy smile of his every time I do something stupid.   
  
He’s still  _ here _ .   
  
* * *   
  
“Oi, Shittykawa, I’m headed to the market after school today.” I said, walking over to his desk. “You can walk home without me today, okay?”   
  
He frowned at me. “Iwa-chan,” he whined, “don’t leave me alone!”   
  
I rolled my eyes. “Do you wanna come with me then?”   
  
“Can I?”   
  
“I know you will anyway,” I scoffed, “so does it matter what I answer?”   
  
“Nope! I’m coming with you.” He looked out the window. “Apparently it’s supposed to snow later though, so we might wanna skip practice for today if we wanna get home before the blizzard hits.”   
  
I nodded in agreement. “I’ll go tell the other guys, I’m sure they’re planning to skip because of the blizzard too.”   
  
“Okie!”   
  
I scoffed. “Don’t say ‘okie’, it makes you sound like a two year old.”   
  
“Mmhm.” He hummed, purposely ignoring me. “I say whatever I wanna say, Iwa-chan.”   
  
“Whatever, Shittykawa.”   
  
*   
  
*   
  
*   
  
“Oi, Oikawa, we should get going now.” I called out across the hall, hauling my backpack over my shoulder. “I wanna get home before dark.”   
  
“Sure, sure.” He muttered, bowing politely to the girls that were surrounding him and walking over to me. “You can’t just make me leave my girls hanging like that!”   
  
“They’re your girls now?” I laughed.   
  
“Jealous, Iwa-chan?” He winked.   
  
“Hardly.” I replied, pulling him by his waist closer to me. We were far enough away from the school that no one would see us. “Anyway, I know they don’t have a chance with you.”   
  
He laughed and put his arms around my neck. “You never know, Iwa-chan.”   
  
“Sure, Crappykawa.”   
  
*   
  
“Hey, Iwa-chan, I’m done shopping.” Oikawa called out from across the market. “I’ll wait for you outside, okay?”   
  
I nodded. “I won’t be too long, I just need to get some milk and I’ll be right out.”   
  
He nodded and walked out of the store.   
  
_ I shouldn’t have let him go out without me. _ _  
_   
*   
  
I was paying for my items when I suddenly heard a scream from outside. I instantly perked my head up and rushed outside in time to see a car speeding down the street. There was a child crossing the road just as the car was about to pass. I could feel my heartbeat heavily in my chest, as if it knew what was about to happen.   
  
_ Badum _ .   
  
I whipped my head to the side quick enough to see Oikawa run over to the child.   
  
_ Badum _ .   
  
“Oikawa!” I screamed, running over to the road. “Don’t!”   
  
_ Badum _ .   
  
It was too late.    
  
The car drove past quickly, and with a loud ‘thump!’, I already knew what happened. The car continued driving like nothing had happened, but to me, I had just lost everything. I ran over to Oikawa’s limp body, letting out a yell that could rival a Wendigo’s. My heart felt heavy in my chest as I began choking up sobs.   
  
It took me a while after that to register what had happened. And when the news finally came around, I couldn’t even force myself to believe it. I constantly heard his voice, I saw him everywhere. Soon, everyone became worried that they sent me off to a psychologist for a month.   
  
When I came back, I tried to act like it had worked. Like I was  _ normal _ again.   
  
But I would  _ never _ be normal again. Even if I somehow managed to move on, I would never be normal again. How could I? How could I be normal when I would no longer see him again? How could I be normal when I would never hear that irritating ‘Iwa-chan’ once more? How could I be normal when everything that mattered to me, his laugh, his smile, his everything, was gone? How could I continue to live normally when the one thing that made it normal no longer  _ existed _ ?   
  
He was like the snow. At some point, his footprints were so definitely there that everyone would notice it. But now, the snow known as life has covered it up. And no one will remember that he even existed in the first place.   
  
But I was the ground. I remembered everything that happened. I could feel that indentation when he first arrived, and when he was gone, I could still feel that empty place where he used to exist.   
  
But no one else could.   
  
* * *   
  
“Hello there! Oikawa here, I’m afraid I can’t answer your call right now so please leave a message at the beep! Unless your Iwa-chan, then go ahead and just text me Iwa-chan, I’ll answer as soon as I can.”   
  
I repeated his voicemail over and over, sobbing silently to myself as I heard him say my name each time. Why did he have to be taken so soon?   
  
I opened up all of my messages to him. Each of them unread.   
  
  
  
To: Shittykawa 💕 [sent 11th of December, 2019 at 12:42am]   
I miss you.   
  


  
To: Shittykawa 💕 [sent 25th of December, 2019 at 3:49pm]   
Merry Christmas. I think of you everyday.   
  
  
  
To: Shittykawa 💕 [sent 1st of January, 2020 at 12:13am]   
Happy new year. This is my first New Years without you in 10 years.   


  
  
To: Shittykawa 💕 [sent 5th of January, 2020 at 12:37pm]   
Please come back to me.   
  
  
  
To: Shittykawa 💕 [sent 10th of January, 2020 at 3:13pm]   
I don’t like going to school without you. It’s too quiet.   


  
  
To: Shittykawa 💕 [sent 3rd of February, 2020 at 5:50pm]   
I finally went to practice today. It’s weird not having you set for me.   


  
  
I put my phone down and wiped my tears away. I’m so pathetic, crying over something that happened months ago. Why can’t I just move on?   
  
“You know why.”   
  
I looked beside me to see him lying down beside me, looking up at the roof. “Please, just go away,” I pleaded, sounding ridiculous. “I can’t live like this forever.”   
  
“Then don’t.”   
  
“But I can’t let go of you that easily.”   
  
He turned to me, smiling. “Sure you can, I  _ know _ you can.”   
  
“But I don’t know how.”   
  
“Start with that.” He pointed at my phone. “That’s not going to help.”   
  
“But-”   
  
“I wasn’t going to say anything, Hajime, but I feel like I need to.” He muttered, sitting up and looking down at me. “You look hilarious when you cry, and it’s flattering, really, but I want you to be happy more than anything.”   
  
“But how am I supposed to be happy without you.”   
  
“You can do it.” He buried his face in my neck. I don’t know what I expected, talking to my hallucinations, but a warm breath wasn’t any of them. “I believe in you.”   
  
I froze, and lifted my hand hesitantly, not knowing what to expect. I slowly placed it down on his hair. It was soft, like how it always was. “I’m going crazy, aren’t I.”   
  
“Weren’t you always?” He teased. “Now, do it. I know you’ve been wanting to for a while. It’s okay to let go, Iwa-chan, I know it’s what’s best for you... and for me.”   
  
I choked on my tears again. “I can’t. I don’t want to let go of you.” I said, gripping his hair a little tighter.   
  
“It’s okay, I know you mean well.” He whispered. “Plus, I’m kinda wanting to see what heaven is like anyway.”   
  
I turned my phone on, slowly opening my messages app. I took a deep breath and began typing. After a couple seconds, I finally clicked ‘send’.   
  
  
  
To: Oikawa [sent now]   
I love you.

  
  
“There you go.” He said, cheering me on. “Now go ahead and delete it.”   
  
I opened up my contacts and clicked on Oikawa’s profile. I hovered my finger over the ‘delete’ button and let out a shaky breath, closing my eyes and pressing down.   
  
“That wasn’t too hard now was it?” He asked, sitting back up.   
  
“Why are you here, Oikawa?” I asked, trying to recollect myself.   
  
“Well I couldn’t just let Iwa-chan suffer alone now could I?” He smiled. “It seems my visits weren’t in vain after all.”   
  
“So you’re really here then?” I asked, closing my eyes. “I’m not just talking to myself?”   
  
“Hm, perhaps you are talking to yourself.”   
  
I opened them again, he was still there. “Where are you going now?”   
  
He shrugged. “Hopefully I can finally go to heaven now that you’re not keeping me down here.”   
  
“There’s a heaven?”   
  
He looked down at me. “It’s much better than being in hell, to be honest.”   
  
I let out a hoarse laugh. “Of course it is... are you leaving now?”   
  
“Do you want me to?”   
  
“No.” I whispered, watching him lie down next to me. “Just stay for a little bit longer... please?”   
  
He smiled and closed his eyes. “Anything for you, Iwa-chan.”   
  
After a couple moments I opened my eyes again. He was still there, but this time I noticed something that wasn’t there before. Wings. Large, angelic wings, beautiful just like him. I closed my eyes and smiled to myself. “I love you, Shittykawa.”   
  
And it was small and quiet, but I heard a reply a second after.    
  
“I love you too, Iwa-chan.”   
  
*   
  
*   
  
*   
  
The next morning, when I woke, he wasn’t there anymore. But that lonely feeling in my heart was gone. Something still felt empty, but I knew that it wouldn’t stay that way forever. One day, I would find someone to fill that hole. Someone that could fill that empty space that his footprint used to be.   
  
And as I looked outside where there was no more snow, only sunshine and grass, I knew it was time for a new beginning.   
  
It was the 1st of March. Spring.   
  
And as I walked to school happily for the first time, I noticed something bright yellow in the corner of my eye. I turned over to the fields and saw sunflowers. Lots of sunflowers, all in little rows.   
  
“Hey look, Shittykawa,” I mumbled to myself. “It really is spring now.”   
  
And as I continued to walk, I heard a reply.   
  
“It sure is, Iwa-chan. It sure is.”


End file.
